Drama, drama everywhere

Alright, I know most of you know at least part of the story of the recent divisions between my good friend Gabe and I, and some of you know the latest news. But for those of you who don't, here is a quick synopsis.

I think everyone here knows about the blow-up at Olive Garden and the ensuing month and a half of Gabe not talking to me, so I won't re-hash that. Well, I wrote Gabe a letter last week because my grandpa's death kind of got me thinking about my relationships with people. I emailed him last Sunday to ask for his new mailing address (he moved last weekend), and he never responded. I found out that he would be at his old place until Wednesday, so I went ahead and put the letter in the mail. That was Sunday, so I'm sure he got it by Tuesday or Wednesday. Thursday Randi asked him for his address because she needed to send him something, and he was adament that she not give it to me. The same day, Randi decided she really couldn't handle being just friends, so she told Gabe it was basically all or nothing.

Friday, Gabe calls me. As hopeful as I was that he was actually feeling badly about the way he had treated me and wanted to make things right, I knew deep-down that he was only calling me to get to Randi. If my letter had really made him think, he wouldn't have waited until Friday to call me. And, when I actually answered the phone when he called, his first response wouldn't have been, "Oh, I was kind of hoping to get your voicemail." Well, I'm sorry asshole-that-I-don't-know-anymore-who-used-to-be-my-friend, that I put you through the discomfort of actually speaking to me. To be honest, it wasn't all that comfortable for me either. After I got off the phone with him, I felt about as close as I ever have to a panic attack, because this huge part of me wanted to believe he was going to make things right, but the logical part of me knew he wasn't going to.

And the logical part of me was right. Despite the advice of friends and family, I agreed to go over to his new place (ha! now I have his address--maybe I can stalk him, which seems to be what he thought I would do if I knew it). I got over there, and he acted like we could just start up again without him apologizing and admitting he'd treated me badly. It seems he thinks that the "I'm sorry..." he sent me in an email a couple days after the blow-up, which also happened to be the last contact he had with me for 46 days, should suffice. He also didn't seem to think I should be upset about the fact that he'd cut me out of his life, when he was the one in the wrong. And he tried to blame his near-psychotic behavior on me knocking on his window that night to get him to stop and talk to me. He asked me, "What would have happened if you had broken my window?" So I have two questions for those reading this who know me--Can you imagine me ever getting violent because I'm angry? And can anyone even seriously imagine that I even have the physical strength to break a car window with my bare hand?

So the whole time, Gabe is pretty much saying, "what is it you want me to do?" How about show a little emotion, act like you care, and take some responsibility? When I said it didn't seem like he cared, he said he wouldn't have invited me over if he didn't care. I said that probably had more to do with Randi's saying she wasn't going to be just his friend than anything, and he said, "maybe a little"--because he can't handle Randi and I both at once. Which is crazy, because I love Gabe to death, but he's acting like I'm hard to get along with, and believe me, you have to have a saint's worth of patience to friends with Gabe.

I don't want any of you reading this to think less of Gabe, because for the most part, he is one of the most generous, caring people I know. But if I'm going to honest with myself, there have been issues in our friendship for a long time. For one thing, he has never been really upfront with me about how he feels about Randi. He acts like he could take her or leave her, but I know he cares a lot about her--but I don't think he knows that I realize that. When Gabe and Randi first started talking about dating, Gabe never even told me about it. So I probably haven't been as open with Gabe as I should be, because I know he's not open with me. He got upset with me several months ago, because I got tired of him making fun of me about Bob (Gabe makes fun of everything, I know that, but he was out and out mean at times about the whole thing), so I asked him if he couldn't be nice to just leave it alone. Then he got upset because nothing should be off-limits between friends--but it wasn't a problem that he, as one of my best friends, didn't bother to tell me that he was thinking about dating one of my other best friends and future roommmate?

I know I've been rambling awhile now, sorry. So here's the situation now--I walked out and told Gabe when the guy I knew came back to give me a call. I have a feeling that will be awhile, because it seems right now that he's not willing to take accountability for anything. When he gets to the point that he realizes that our friendship is fixable and worth the effort, I'll still be here. We may just have a lot of work cut out for us.