Cancel the caterer, take back the gifts

We're not getting married. Yeah, I know, I was so sure a couple of weeks ago. But a couple of weeks ago, Bob was acting like he was almost to the point of pursuing something. And I think that if he would have ever decided that this was something worth taking a risk on, well... I think it would have been great.

But just when I start getting my hopes up, it's like something scares him off. And this time, I've just decided it's enough. I'm tired of waiting on him, because I really don't think he's ever going to make up his mind, and I'm tired of getting hurt, and I'm done.

Of course, there is another factor influencing my decision. Several months ago, once again frustrated with Bob's mixed signals, I put a profile up on Yahoo personals. I chatted with a few guys, but mostly got emails from creeps, and never really had anything develop. But then a little more than a month ago, I got an email from this guy named Kevin who lives in Pittsburgh. I'd really stopped responding to any personals emails, but something about him seemed interesting. Besides, he was in Pittsburgh, so I thought he might be someone fun to chat with, and since he was so far away, I wouldn't have to worry about him wanting to meet me.

Then a funny thing happened. I started to really like him, and the more I talked to him, the more I liked him. And I found out that he used to live in Charlotte, his parents still live here, and he is planning on moving back in the spring. So after a week or so of us talking every day on the phone, I decided to let him know that there was someone else I was really interested in, and that I wasn't sure where things were going with him. He appreciated me being upfront, and we kept talking just about every day. About a week later, he told me he'd made a decision--that he was going to try to woo me. I asked him how he came to that decision, and he said because he thought I was "worth the wooing" and that he realized, after a friend pointed it out to him, that every time he talked to me, he was always smiling.

Not long after that was when Bob started getting skittish again, and I started realizing something. I have two guys who really like me, but one can say that he likes me, and is willing to take a chance on me, despite being 500 miles away, and despite me saying I'm interested in someone else. But the other guy can't tell me how he feels, and won't take a chance on me, even though I've been willing to wait half a year on him. So, I can do the same thing Bob is doing, and miss out on something that could be great, or I can take a chance. So I am going to take a chance.

I know, I haven't even met Kevin yet, but he is coming to visit his parents next month, and I will meet him then. I'm trying not to build up unrealistic expectations, but I have a really good feeling about him. Randi's even talked to him a couple times on the phone, and she has a good feeling too. :)

Plus, he said the sweetest thing any guy has ever said to me. I'm always talking about needing to go work out, and he was asking me why I think I'm "big," because I look really small in the pictures he's seen (and yes, he's seen recent pics that include my child-bearing hips). So I tried to explain that it all goes back to self-esteem issues from high school, and he told me, "Hon, if you could get inside my head and see yourself that way I see you--I just don't see how you could be self-conscious about anything."

Ok, I know this turned out to be a really long post, but there's a lot to catch up on. I will definitely update again after Kevin's visit in August.